His Secret Obsession: [Full Review 2020]

His Secret Obsession: A Brief Overview.

His Secret Obsession by James Bauer is for women who want to make their relationships better by understanding more about men.

Let’s talk about James Bauer first. He’s a trained psychologist and a relationship expert. So obviously, he’s the perfect guy to write about men in the context of relationships.

He has also written What men Secretly want, a book covering very similar topics. So, he’s experienced in writing as well. And to be honest, it shows in this book as well as he takes a more detailed approach to the burning question – what do men really want?

Of course, there’s a manipulative undertone in this book but then the market of self-help books are littered with such books. For example, How to talk to anyone by Leli Lowndes and the classic in the genre How to win friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie.

In this book, James talks about something called ‘Hero Instinct’. Apparently, it mostly covers the masculine nature of men. The primal instincts of men like sex, hunger and thirst. The things that make men, well, MEN. I want to spray some Axe just by listening to ‘Hero Instinct’.

All jokes aside, James takes a very refined and comprehensive take on this trait and actually provides some insightful ideas to women for how to trigger it.

Apart from this, he talks about other traits of male psychology extensively as well. I will not spoil by putting the ideas here. You should get the book if you feel intrigued. But he talks about some techniques or indications that should help you steer your relationship better.

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Pros

Extremely well informed and composed writing.
Brings a lot of new ideas to the table like this elaborate discussion on ‘Hero Instinct’
The author is not some unprofessional money grab but has actually insightful ideas about the topic.

Cons

The manipulative undertone bothered me more than it should have.

Relationship Material

You may think this is the list of classic checklist items that indicate that the man is perfect for cuddling and go in hibernation with. But instead, it’s the other way around. These are some traits to pick up to make men think you are ‘relationship material’.

The Private Island

Imagine an island you are stuck on and you are alone. But instead of dreading this place, you are actually in love with it. So much so that you want to have babies with it. Okay, that’s too far; but you get the idea. Ladies if you want to be that island for your man, this book got you covered.

The Ex-Back Signal

Nobody likes breakups. It’s a mess and often leaves you emotionally distraught, but James has some ideas for those particularly reluctant women who are not yet ready to move on. I am not judging, I have been through that phase as well. Anyway, these signals and phrases will make your ex crawl back to you – if that’s what you want.

The Glimpse Phase

It’s maybe one of the best things that this book can teach women. Imagine you met him for the first time and lo and behold, you want him to be really attracted to you. These techniques are to be used to make that man wanting for more – wanting to know more about you.

The Damsel in Distress Signal

Everyone loves attention. No exception to that. So, if you are in a look-out for ways to make your man pay more attention to you, then these are some ways you can do it.

I Own You

As much as negative and manipulative it sounds, it isn’t. This is to be used to make your man open more to you. To make him understand share his insecurities and secrets with you.

Silent Action Signal

It’s time for the ‘Hero Instinct’! Yes, I spoke that out loud like He-man at the time of writing. Anyway, these skills cover all about how to use your hidden talents and attribute to drive up the hero-instinct in your partner.

Who is it written for? Why and when should YOU read it?

This book is obviously written for women. Women who are curious about the convoluted mind of a man.

It’s a good read and many of the pieces of information in the book are extremely insightful – especially ones who are looking for it. It’s well written, comprehensive and not false. James Bauer is of course well informed about this subject and you can learn a thing or two even if your relationship is sailing smooth.

But I have an interesting take on this, read about it even if you are a grown man like me. If you have some time to spare and can bear to say “Well, that’s not me” from time to time, I’d not recommend it but kinda nudge that you should read it.

Some things I learned from this book amused me and made me reflect on myself. And you may even find some humor in it given that it’s not meant for you.

All in all, I recommend this book to women and curious bored men like me because it’s well written, well informed, spicy and an easy read.

Weighing it out!

Even though the book belongs to a “cheesy” and cash grabber genre which feeds on insecurity, it has some really thoughtful ideas.

Having said that, I don’t know what I was expecting. Even after being interesting, I always felt the manipulative undertone and never felt like it was truly different. It made more sense but still the “feeding-on-insecurity” was always there.